
St. Paul, whose life and ministry we have been celebrating this year, had a small group of Christian friends to whom he wrote in the town of Ephesus. As he encouraged them to “be imitators of God,” he gave them advice as to how to live out the Relationship which they began at their Baptism. That they might be a sign to others and a source of grace for them, he admonishes them to “watch carefully how you live,” and he even goes into the relationship of marriage – with mutual love and respect between spouses. Why?
“For this reason a man shall leave (his) father and (his) mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh."
This is a great mystery, but I speak in reference to Christ and the church.
This “great mystery” is what the Church has come to call a “sacrament” and from it we derive the meaning of the Sacrament of Marriage.
When a man and woman fall in love and marry – as the invitations go out, the showers are celebrated, the gown is purchased, tuxes are rented, and cakes are ordered – they are fulfilling their call to holiness that came to each of them at Baptism. All of us receive this call, and all of us are called to live it out in our particular states in life. Marriage is that vocation whereby man and woman are called, not just to God, but to God
through each other. In other words, husband and wife are made for each other. Their goal is to assist the other to grow and live in holiness.
Moreover, this call is a call to
reflect the Relationship that is the Love of God – to reflect the very life of the Trinity through the total gift of self that is what Marriage is all about. The Relationship of Love that is the intimate life of the Blessed Trinity is the same relationship that is reflected in the Sacrament of Marriage. The Fathers of the Church, in attempting to describe the ineffable mystery of the life of God in the Trinity, referred to the “divine
perichoresis” – which is a fancy Greek word that means, literally, “a dancing around.” There is
joy in that Love of the Trinity; there
must be joy in the love of husband and wife.
Now, joy is not simply the fruit of “good times.” Rather, joy is a Fruit of the Holy Spirit, who is present in the Marriage too. Recall, that husband and wife give themselves faithfully to one another “in good times
and in bad.” However, even in difficult times, there can be joy. This is not
naïve “happiness,” blind to all that is happening around us. Rather, joy is an abiding sense of the presence of the Lord. What makes this possible for the married couple is love. In one of the most popular wedding readings, St. Paul lists the characteristics of the Love of God that a couple will share and reflect:
Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.
So, the gift of Love that characterizes the Holy Trinity is the same gift of love that is the mark of a good Marriage. Through love, a wife can forgive, a husband can be patient, a family can persevere.
This love, too, gives completely of itself, and rather than being exhausted, it grows and deepens day by day. The reflection of God in married love comes through this total self-gift of husband to wife, wife to husband – a love that holds nothing back, a love that is passionate, involving body, mind and spirit, a love that is so powerful that it cooperates with God in creating
life.
This is the dignity of Marriage – what Jesus recognized as a new
unity of life (“the two become one flesh”). This dignity is the source of the Church’s constant teaching regarding marriage and the indissolubility of the Sacrament. The joining of a man and woman in Marriage is the creation of a communion of life and love that has as its “goods,” first, the joy of the couple and, second, the blessing of children. Without an openness to these ends, the Sacrament cannot be a reflection of that Relationship of Jesus with His Church and God with the world.
Many feel that the Church has spent too much time in people’s bedrooms. Perhaps She has. However, the Church’s presence there is, and should be, an affirming one – a presence that is not there to stunt the love and affection that spouses share, but one that recognizes the intense power of married love. The Church’s “Constitution on the Church in the Modern World” says it like this:
Authentic married love is caught up into divine love and is governed and enriched by Christ's redeeming power and the saving activity of the Church, so that this love may lead the spouses to God with powerful effect and may aid and strengthen them in sublime office of being a father or a mother. For this reason Christian spouses have a special sacrament by which they are fortified and receive a kind of consecration in the duties and dignity of their state. By virtue of this sacrament, as spouses fulfill their conjugal and family obligation, they are penetrated with the spirit of Christ, which suffuses their whole lives with faith, hope and charity. Thus they increasingly advance the perfection of their own personalities, as well as their mutual sanctification, and hence contribute jointly to the glory of God (Gaudium et spes, n. 48).
That brings us back to where we began: a call to holiness. This call is fulfilled for the married couple in the joy and holiness of the other. In that joy, we are assured of the presence of God’s Love – and the Relationship is reflected once more.